I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
