My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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