the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
