PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
