I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
