His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
