Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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