I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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