Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
