Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
