We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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