She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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