Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And then my night got REAL pukey
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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