glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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