and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
