You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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