And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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