Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
