she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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