We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
