How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
