I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
