apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize