Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize