I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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