Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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