So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
