How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
