These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
