I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
