I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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