id be glad to
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
