My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How external is "for external use only"?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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