glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
