K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
