I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
