It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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