You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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