so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
