saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
