did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
