I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
