i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
