I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
