I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
