Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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