I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
