i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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