Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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