im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
