nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize