It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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