she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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