My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
