Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
