the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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