If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
