I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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