what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
