Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i came on her dog
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
