Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
