Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
