the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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