honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
These tits shall not be calmed
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