I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
