I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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