i was born a porn star she said
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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