my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
