i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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