drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
