You really coming over, don't trick.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You need a sexual gate keeper
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
