So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
