i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
