I need to stop coming to work sober
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
