Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize