did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
