thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
