just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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