i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
