Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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